The dampness in the eyes

The Dampness in the Eyes

Every year as the 13th of December approaches, a kind of emptiness starts to envelop me which makes me uneasy, it reminds me of the immense loss that we have all faced as humans despite knowing that in the end everything and everyone shall pass - nobody gets away with it, yet the question still remains how and why did it happen. Such was the impact that Satguru Jagjit Singh ji had on our lives. Thus this year was no different except for the fact that the emptiness struck early and in a moment of celebration in the midst of the pandemic.

Like every December, every November is the time to celebrate the Prakash of Satguru Jagjit Singh Ji. 2020 was going to be special as it was the first centenary - the 100th year. As always a music concert marked the culmination of the celebrations. Pt Rajan-Sajan Mishra - long time favourites of Satguru ji were singing. Midway through the second bandish Pt Sajan Mishra looked at the picture of Satguru Ji that was kept on the stage and the heart skipped a beat - a lump formed in the throat and the eyes went damp - just like that - the song in the mind changed as memories came rushing back - in that moment the celebration became a personal experience of the little little things, gestures and conversations, bringing me to the crossroad of happiness and grief - but there was no choice and no turning back - such is life that despite what one may try both will always be there.

Truth be told it was hard to fathom on the 13th off December 2012 and has been henceforth. The ideal way to look at it is as Satguru ji would say - the happiness outweighs the sorrow always - there is always something to take strength from - look at the positives and the pain is relatively painless, pun unintended, but hey I don't know, I still feel like a lost child, without His Satguru - looking always for Him even in the wilderness of my dreams, I miss Him and His endearing smile, the way He made me feel, confident and raring to go, nothing was impossible - for I knew that He had my back, always - there!

Perhaps in that lies the answer as well - none of us ever realised it but He was preparing us all for the journey of our lifetimes, where we would be the ones who would walk the path, be the examples that He wanted us to be, responsible and steadfast to the ideals that He stood for - and so ever since that day we have tried - but hey when December approaches - the eyes go damp, a lump forms in the throat and I miss You Satguru ji - my beloved Satguru Jagjit Singh Ji - bless us and may Your divine light continue to shine upon all of us - Dhan Satguru Jagjit Singh Ji